The thought of this chapter is inspired by the serial “Full House” spoken by the character Joey. The thought is further built up by many books too, one of them being ‘The man who sold his Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma. The crux is that if I begin my thought chain of blaming somebody, complaining or dwelling on something negative, I simply should “cut it out”. Don’t encourage it. Don’t let it grow. Consciously and cautiously let me “cut it out”.

As we may all have noticed, and I certainly have, negative thoughts are a rabbit hole. Whether its fear, whether its finding faults or whether its plain gossiping. At the end, I feel it leaves me with a lower mindset, a grumpy mindset. The key is “cut it out”. Its weird how both complaining and gratitude work and how they spread into everything. I start complaining about something little and very soon I find faults in everything – the sun is too hot, the traffic on the roads is too loud etc. Very soon it starts depicting itself on your demeanor. If instead, I foster the sense of gratitude, it develops and pretty soon I am thankful for everything – a new day, a nice warm day, activity depicted by traffic on the road and liveliness within.

A different thought is if you are feeling negative, be in the feeling and get out of it. It’s the opposite idea of “cut it out”. Somehow I can’t relate to that fully. “Cut it out” is what I feel is my mantra. As I catch myself grumbling, I focus on the mantra and try to dwell on happy thoughts. The more I “Cut it out”, the more I feel closer to my true self. Thanks Joey!

What’s on your “Cut it out” list?

Finger pointing

Complaints

Pettiness

Cut it out!

Holding it on

And on

Greed and anger

Cut it out!

Temptations

And lethargy

A dullness

Cut it out!

“I” am right there

Cut this veil out

And let me in

Let me in 

The $10M check

The inspiration for this story was from one of my favorite actors Jim Carrey. I love the scene from the movie “Bruce Almighty” where Jim Carrey becomes God for a period of time and realizes the responsibility that comes with God’s power. He soon realizes, only God can handle it all and in the scene he says “I surrender” and is run over by a truck. The humor and trust get me every time! It eventually leads to getting his girlfriend and his job back.

The $10M check is his personal story where he wrote himself this check for “Acting services” and believed it would materialize in time. And it did! He believed and visualized and put his heart and soul into it. He believed with total intensity and integrity. His beliefs made the Universe believe!

I would divide this into 3 things – a belief, action and Grace. In the world of acronyms I would call this a BAG – Belief, Action and Grace. A bag signifying the journey you are about to take! It starts with a belief, a vision, a thought. Isn’t that how the Universe was born? Then comes action, not just passive action but deep seated, intense, active action to make it happen and finally its grace. The $10M check then materializes! It’s interesting that at this stage it requires even more belief to acknowledge that it was your belief in yourself that was the first step to be here.

I sometimes sell myself short. Self-doubt and ‘not being good enough’ may haunt me too. The first step of believing is the key. The $10M check works out for the ones who “Don’t stop believing”. Believing not only happens for the $10M check but for health, for love and for Him.

What is in your BAG?

I believe

In this vision

A dream

And a reality

Of the future

I believe

And I act

For this dream

To make it happen

I believe

And grace showers

My dream

Realized

In a new form..

I believe

And I surrender

To Thine Will.

The thought for this topic arose from Super Soul Sunday with the story of Wholefoods CEO John Mackey. At a point in his life, somehow he became very conscious of life being short and he decided to live and do the things he really wanted to do. He was in school at that time. He took up various electives, things he really wanted to learn but didn’t complete his education. With courage and confidence he followed the path. The path of doing what one really wants to do.

As I think of my life, it points more to resilience. At age of 16, I decided to pursue courses in science and I struggled. It wasn’t the right fit but I kept at it. During my career too there have been roles that weren’t a fit or roles that after sometime didn’t seem to fit. I kept at it too, with resilience. I waited for the perfect time to get out, the low-risk method.

Courage also reminds me of Maya Angelou who considered courage to be the prime value. It is courage that gives us strength to follow our dreams and live by our ideals. And its resilience that helps us not quit when the road gets harder. I would argue resilience also requires strength and courage. Though I would also argue that if your heart tells you it’s the wrong path, you should have the courage to take the risk and quit. Dear God, help me have the courage to identify and walk on the path and the resilience to keep at it.

I have the courage

To follow my dreams

And I have the resilience

To walk the path

I have the courage

To take it on

And I have the resilience

To keep at it

I have the courage

To Trust

And I have the resilience

To love

I have the courage

To seek You

And the resilience

To not quit

What do you think? Do you lean more towards courage or resilience?

This topic always reminds me of the last line in Richard Bach’s book Illusions: “Everything in this book may be wrong.” Life is a stage, an experimental laboratory, and a place where you can achieve the most—or be content with the least. Yet, it still is a stage, a place where plays are enacted; and like all plays, it ends eventually. Sadly, only few of us constantly remember this. Forgetting helps while we play the character, but it hurts when we get affected by the environment.

An interesting aspect is that it’s an ever-changing play. The people who have realized that life is a play have reached the stage (or state) of near-realization. Thus, life is a pursuit through age and the various stages of life on a stage to achieve a state. It’s filled with experimentation, fun choices, bad decisions, and default consequences—in a word, “learning.”

We have experienced all three. We see the stages when we look at our parents, our grandparents, our children, and ourselves. Sometimes, it’s funny how we realize our age when we suddenly notice how our friends have aged!

The key is to change our perception and be an observer of the current situation, as if we are in the clouds, observing from above. I often say to myself that the things that concern me today, that are a big cause of worry, will not even be remembered in the next five years, five months, or even five days. Thinks about the times when you were so nervous before an exam. Do you really even think about that day, now that it’s all over?

If we are lucky, we get to meet people who have reached the “stage”—or at least read about them. Of course, for them, the struggle is to maintain the “state.” The fun never ends!

On this stage

I reminisce

The stage I was in

Ten years ago

Out of college—free and wild

Just starting a job

Living on my own

Experimenting and

Experiencing

“Maturity” and “life”

The play continues

In a new country

Stark differences

With abundance of money

But craving company

Enjoying and

Living

“Changes” and “life”

And

A little one joins

The play

Naughtiness and smiles

And stubbornness too

Teaching and

Learning

“Love” and “life”

The stages continue

On this stage of Life

And I work

Sometimes more

And sometimes less

Hoping, wishing, yearning for

That ‘State’

This topic was inspired from a dream. I dreamt that I and Pranav saw this beautiful butterfly at home. Not sure why, maybe to protect it or to ensure it doesn’t come in our way, we put it under a net. The butterfly was very wise and kept finding space between the net and the ground to escape. We gave up and let the butterfly out. It was raining outside and I felt as if some part of the butterfly died (maybe I held it too tightly as I let it fly?). I read into the dream in multiple ways and hence the topic “A Child’s wings”.

The first interpretation was Ashna, my daughter. It seems in our quest to protect her or to discipline her I may be limiting her. Recently our parenting style has become a combination of threats and bribes as we deal with her trying 3’s. It seems like each activity is a test of little one’s stubbornness vs her mom’s righteousness (hopefully!). I guess my dream was telling me to her more leeway and not impose rules upon her.

The other thought came to mind of holding the butterfly too tight and in turn harming it. I wonder if I am holding on to my career or certain thoughts too tightly and that limits me. With my daily awareness practice, I notice I like to jump to conclusions and being judgmental. I also need to continue to develop more compassion, tolerance and kindness.

Am I and are you holding things too tightly that are limiting? How can we let this butterfly enjoy its wings?

The Child’s wings

Still developing

Raw

And

Beautiful

Like a child’s laughter

The urge to protect

These little wings

A sense of security

But

Limiting

A child’s wings

And a desire

To see them be

The best wings

And then she says

Protect me for my strength

Not my weakness

(Last 3 lines credit to Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead)

This topic was inspired from the topic Happiness Project and further inspired by my husband Pranav. The thought is that each day you note 3 things you are grateful for and it has to be 3 different things everyday. As you continue to do this, it becomes a habit. Eventually it leads to realization and acknowledgement of our blessings. Pranav is following this advice and has his own Gratitude Journal.

I have tried this mentally (and I need to make it a practice to have my own journal too). Funnily I have to really think before I note the 3 things. The expectations even from a Gratitude Journal are high!

As I snoop and read Pranav’s journal, I am amazed to see how thankful he is for very simple things – a good meal, playful times with Ashna or ever a simple hug or good beer.

The learning for me is the mindfulness of being thankful for the daily, taken for granted things. We don’t have to win a lottery everyday to be thankful! What should I not be grateful for?

I am grateful for

This moment

A quiet morning

This journal

And a hot cup of coffee

I am grateful for

This longing

A deep urge

This curiosity

And chirping birds

I am grateful for

Those tiny hands

Holding me tight

A naughty smile

And a stubborn mind

I am grateful for

Even those unpleasant moments

That remind me

To continue this journey

I am grateful for

You and

Him

and

Us

I am deeply grateful

The thought was based upon listening to NPR post winter Olympics. It was an interview with a lady who won a silver in Skeleton. Skeleton is a fast winter sliding sport in which a person rides a small sled down a frozen track while lying face down, during which the rider experiences forces up to 5 g and reaches speeds over 130 km/h (80 mph). The sport was named from the bony appearance of the sled.

She was talking about a personal tragedy where she lost her 3rd child after 18 weeks of pregnancy. She had actually retired from the sport. However as she struggled through this, her husband motivated her to start the sport again. Even more admirable was the fact that he and their other 2 kids took leave of absence from work/ school and supported her in all her competitions. Hence, the antidote to life’s bumps is focusing and doing what you enjoy most.

The story continues further and she said you need to be one with the sled and be calm to win the sport. The second antidote to life’s bumps is to maintain this sense of calm – talking bumps in stride instead of being too rigid and opposing them. It also reminds me to flow with the flow. And it reminds me of being centered. While I have had more success with the first antidote, I continue to focus, learn and remind myself of the 2nd one.

What are you antidotes to life’s bumps?

The antidotes to life’s bumps

Doing what you enjoy

And enjoying the ride

It’s a bumpy ride

It’s steep

It’s fast

It has friction

It’s a bumpy ride

It’s painful

And troublesome

And long

And yet

It’s the bumpy rides I enjoy

With some music

And some love

To be one with the road

It’s fast

It’s steep

It’s fun

It’s the bumpy ride!

Let the loop run itself out

This discussion / thought was based on an interview on “Super Soul Sunday”, one of my favorite TV shows. The interview was with Dr. Jill, author of the book “The stroke of Insight” on her experience after suffering a massive stroke and functioning from her right hemisphere of brain. This hemisphere helps on the bigger picture and as Pranav observed in meditation we want the right hemisphere to lead us instead of the ego-self on the left hemisphere. Talking about anger, Dr. Jill referred to “Let the loop run itself out”.

For most negative emotions, it takes 90 seconds for chemicals to be generated and released. If we can just let 90 seconds pass and let the loop run out, we would technically control our reactions. Dr. Jill further elaborated that people are angery for years as they trigger a memory thus triggering the loop to begin again.

My learnings hence are – a) Let the loop run out and b) Control your thoughts on not to trigger the loop. For me, I do have a clears sense of self-awareness and repentence as I get caught in the loop. This is more relevant right now with my 2014 resolution of overacting less. Let the loop run itself out!

90 seconds

Is all I ask

To let the loop run out

90 seconds

Of forbearance

Of control

Of patience

Of forgiveness

Of love

90 seconds

…a lifetime

To let the loop run out

 
The conditions to happiness

The thought for this chapter started from reading the book ‘The Untethered Soul’ by Michael Singer. The author explains that we keep conditions to our happiness. “I will be happy if I am promoted” or “I will be happy if I get married / pregnant”. He believes that we should instead focus on unconditional happiness. It sure made me introspect. I had myself said “Happiness is a state after the fulfillment of one desire and before the birth of another”.

On talking with my colleague Maggie, she believes that competition and winning our inculcated in our minds. We tend to link achievement to happiness. The question she raised was “how will we keep ourselves motivated if we delink happiness and success?”

Coincidently my husband Pranav came across a book called Happiness Project where the author says that happiness begets success instead of success leading to happiness. I believe the thought is that as we are more happy, the calmness and joy show in our work leading to success.

A higher state of mind is when we are above this to enjoy unconditional happiness – being happy as its our true nature or nature of God. I have lived a long time building conditions on my happiness and linking achievement and happiness. I think it’s time to let go and work on being unconditionally happy and blissful.

Have you put conditions to your happiness too?

Let success be condition based

Let happiness just exist

Be happy no-matter-what

Be happy for you

For us

For Him

Be happy today

Right now

Let that smile shine

Your day and mine

Be happy

It’s a command

And a blessing

(quoted from Sri Sri Ravishankar – last 3 lines)

The thought of this topic was inspired by Swami Yogananda (Self Realization Fellowship). He was giving tips on how to be critical if needed with love. Hence the topic - The Loving Critic.

My mentor Mike Smuda at one time had said ‘Feedback is a gift’. I have tried to take it to heart. Professionally I have made a specific effort to get feedback. The crux is that if someone you trust tells you something, it is typically more prevalent than just that one person. Personally, I get feedback from my husband Pranav. For me, my loving critics help me detect my blindspots!

For times, when I have to play the role of the loving critic, I first ensure the person wants to hear the feedback. I also clarify my intent. If my intention is not noble, I check my premises. Then ideally in a loving way I try to focus on strengths and talk about things for improvement. I also believe it’s better to hear criticism from loved ones.

The piece I and most people struggle with is being defensive when we hear criticism or finding excuses for that behavior or action. I remind myself that its best to be the listener at such times. Swami Yogananda advices to keep criticisms short.

I think the toughest part for me is when I get caught suddenly in unplanned criticism battle. Harsh words don’t work. I like planned loving critic sessions else it feels more like an argument and I become defensive.

Loving critic also implies your ego does not pay in it. Before finding faults in others, I like to have the mirror to see I am not coming from ego but from genuine love and intent to uplift. As I am receiving loving criticism, I need to remember and assume the other person is also not coming in from ego. Let me listen to the point, assume pure intention and reflect where to change/ improve.

Loving critic – it starts and ends in love. Loving critic are our blindspot detectors. I am blessed to have loving critics in my life.

The blessing

Of a loving critic

Throwing the light

To eliminate

Darkness

The blessing

Of being a loving critic

Spreading the love

Teaching

Like a mother

The blessing

Of loving critics

Thanking

The angels

God sent my way