The Loving Critic

The thought of this topic was inspired by Swami Yogananda (Self Realization Fellowship). He was giving tips on how to be critical if needed with love. Hence the topic - The Loving Critic.

My mentor Mike Smuda at one time had said ‘Feedback is a gift’. I have tried to take it to heart. Professionally I have made a specific effort to get feedback. The crux is that if someone you trust tells you something, it is typically more prevalent than just that one person. Personally, I get feedback from my husband Pranav. For me, my loving critics help me detect my blindspots!

For times, when I have to play the role of the loving critic, I first ensure that the person wants to hear the feedback. I also clarify my intent that my intent is noble. Then ideally in a loving way I try to focus on strengths and talk about things for improvement. I also believe it’s better to hear criticism from loved ones.

The piece I and most people struggle with is being defensive when we hear criticism or finding excuses for that behavior or action. I remind myself that its best to be the listener at such times. Swami Yogananda advises to keep criticisms short.

I think the toughest part for me is when I get caught suddenly in unplanned criticism battle. Harsh words don’t work. I like planned loving critic sessions else it feels more like an argument and I become defensive.

Loving critic also implies your ego does not play in it. Before finding faults in others, I like to have the mirror to see I am not coming from ego but from genuine love and intent to uplift. As I am receiving loving criticism, I need to remember and assume the other person is also not coming in from ego. Let me listen to the point, assume pure intention and reflect where to change/ improve.

Loving critic – it starts and ends in love. Loving critic are our blindspot detectors. I am blessed to have loving critics in my life.

The blessing

Of a loving critic

Throwing the light

To eliminate

Darkness

The blessing

Of being a loving critic

Spreading the love

Teaching

Like a mother

The blessing

Of loving critics

Thanking

The angels

God sent my way

Mandala

The thought of this topic came from watching the show “Belief’ on OWN. The show was talking about Buddhist monks who have a practice called ‘Mandala’. Mandala is a form of art using sand and stones. There are various types of Mandalas and each has a spiritual meaning. From what I understand, it has a core, inner and outer circle depicting our spirit, our mind and our circumstances/world. The idea of the Mandala is to learn to evolve from it.

The monks spend hours and hours making this beautiful art. Then, once its done they take a broom and just like that sweep it out! The lesson being, nothing is permanent and don’t get attached to your own creation. As I was watching the show, I was moved. All the hours of work to create this beautiful piece of art and then having the courage to let it all go.

On the thought of nothing is permanent, I see it every day as I see Ashna grow. She is discovering something new every day – a new word, reading bill boards to talking intelligently with our friends.

The thought of being attached to one’s creation reminded me of the story of Lord Brahma (the God of creation per Hindu mythology). When the Supreme Lord asked him to create, he humbly asked for one boon – not to get attached to his own creation. He sure was wise!

I see that all the time, especially in me by getting attached to my creations. Though calling it ‘my’ creation is also egoistic. I get attached to this blog, my work and most so my daughter Ashna. Ideally, one has to be passionate about the activity be it work or art however be cautious on not being overly attached.

Being overly attached implies one tries to hold on things, resists change and wants to control. We become fearful or insecure. Here is where ‘Mandala’ resonates the most for me. The monks passionately work to create the best art-form, concentrating, being mindful of each sand grain. Yet once its done they wipe it off. They have learned to control the urge of attachment and learned to change which may mean destruction of one’s creation.

I feel once I give up being attached to things, its relieving. Its almost as if a weight is lifted. I don’t need to constantly fight to protect my creation! I learn to accept and enjoy whatever is in store for me.

What is the lesson that resonates the most for you from Mandala?

I have worked endlessly

To create

‘This’

My sweat, blood and tears

Are captured in

‘This’

I am in love

With

‘This’

I will now

Let

‘This’ go

I will now

Wipe

‘This’ off

I will learn

To be unattached

And free

Do things that make you gasp

We were flying back from Bermuda. It’s a beautiful, small country with the pretty pink sand beach. The water is a gorgeous blue, clear, warm and welcoming. There I came across this thought from an article “Do things that make you gasp”.

This thought goes perfectly with my one-word resolution for 2016 - it’s the word “Courage”. Doing things that make you gasp needs courage. Courage to not let fear of doing it or fear of failure stop me!

The thought also hits on one of the secrets to happiness. If we do things that make us gasp, it will create more enthusiasm in our lives. A little bit of adrenalin is a good booster! Though lets be cautious not to become adrenalin junkies.

The important word for me is this sentence is also the word “you”. It doesn’t talk about what will make the world gasp. It is saying what will make “me” gasp. The three things recently that have made me gasp are :- a) Quitting my job without having another one in hand b) Travelling with my little one Ashna to India on Standby c) Travelling with just hand luggage to India (to provide context usually we would have 4 bags each of 50lbs and instead we came in with only carry-on bags). All of these, I haven’t done ever and all of them have made me gasp. I now have this restless but happy energy and a few butterflies too. Things that make you gasp can tickle too!

A jump

A swarm of butterflies

A brake released

An unstoppable momentum

Gasps!

The energy free

Showing off

Restless and happy

I observe

I experience

I enjoy

Freedom!