The Fixer

The thought of this topic came from an article I was reading on introvert leadership. The author believes that introverts have the habit of being ‘fixers’. According to her, this helps introverts get out of the social talks and instead focus on helping by being the ‘fixer’.

Hence, Fixer to me stands for people who want to jump in and solve problems. These type of people take ownership but can overwhelm themselves. Reading it I realized, I do this too.

The author cautions that we fixers should be conscious and count on people’s intelligence to solve their issues. Fixers don’t need to jump and solve all the problems and fixers don’t need to undermine people’s capabilities.

I do this both at work and personal life. At work I had a nickname “Urmi knows”. In turn I had created a dependence for others to look to me. It felt good for the ego, believe me, but I had to make a conscious effort to educate and create self-sufficiency.

Everybody likes fixers. They resolve the issues. They do the work. It is a very delicate balance to help fixing issues yet creating self-sufficiency. I believe sometimes fixers just have to learn to delegate, be out of the problem and let the team figure it out for themselves. Maybe they will fail a couple of times but eventually they will learn. Fixers in this case take the role of being teachers.

For non-fixers, I recommend calling us out! Ashna does that all the time. “I can do it Ma” she says. I have to be patient and let her do it. I also have to watch her fail at times and then teach her.

What are your experiences with fixers or as fixers?

Its broken

No worries

I will fix it

You need this

Don’t bother

I will get it

Am I really helping?

Or am I creating unnecessary dependence

Did they try?

or did they simply call the fixer?

This time

I will serve

By creating

Self-sufficiency

Modes of Silence

I enjoy the quiet. I enjoy stillness. I enjoy hearing the rumblings in the background and being mindful of my words and voice. As I think of quiet, I have experienced different modes of silences and thought it would be fun to share.

The first mode of silence is contemplative silence. This is when I am totally engrossed in something, where creativity flows and thoughts shape up as concrete ideas. I am focused, contemplating while being silent.

The second mode of silence is grumpy silence. For me, it comes from some trigger or expectation not met. As that happens, I feel like going in my cocoon and let the grumpy feeling pass. As my closest ones know, it can take time. Another variant of this is defensive silence. This is when instead of responding we go in silent mode or totally ignore the question. I have experienced this specially in email communication.

The third mode of silence is quiet, meditative silence. This is when the mind or inner voice is totally quiet and we are taking in sounds of nature or of our breath. The soul is mindful, losing a sense of time. I have experienced that during meditation. This is an enhanced state of contemplative silence. I believe in this state we hear message from the Universe or our higher self.

The fourth mode of silence is listening silence. This is when I am attentive and listening. Trying to grasp a new concept, a different idea and learning.

The fifth mode of silence is enforced silence. A good example of this is when we are in the library. We are expected to be silent.

The sixth mode of silence is sad silence. This is experienced when we attend funerals and when word don’t seem enough to express our thoughts. Another variation of this is lonely silence. And sometimes there is painful silence.

The seventh mode of silence is awkward silence. I experience this when I am in networking events with strangers. It is when I need to make small talk and I run out of topics. It also happens to me when I don’t remember somebody whom I am supposed to remember! We end up in awkward silence!

The eighth mode of silence is understanding silence. I see that in soulmates or friends. It is as if words are not needed to communicate. The presence is simply enjoyed. In silence both activities and love flow.

The ninth mode of silence is when we can be silent in spite of talking or being busy in activities. This is what I have heard of. I believe that is how divine souls can continuously repeat God’s name. I have not been very successful in this. The environment still impacts my being. I hope someday I can experience this mode of silence too.

What modes of silence have you experienced?

Enjoying

The silence

And its modes

Moving from one

To another

Connecting

Aligning

To thyself and Him

I relish this quiet.

Heal your life

This is part 3 of the series “Fill your life, clean your life and Heal your life”. I have always felt and believed that each one of us has our own set of challenges in life. It’s like the obstacle track with lessons hidden in them. If we just look around, we can see the obstacle course whether its health troubles, financial issues, dissatisfaction with career or spouse, struggles to find a soul mate, family drama or just a feeling of melancholy. The fact is, all of us have to face these, rise above them and heal our lives.

Healing takes effort. Changing habits and breaking our own limiting beliefs. The saints have reminded us that we are all a part of God and if we are centered, the obstacles won’t bother us. Note, obstacles won’t bother but doesn’t mean that obstacles won’t come our way. A fine example is Surdasji. He was born blind and shunned by his family. He was centered and this didn’t bother him. Rather, he had divine vision and could see more than what you and me can.

Healing needs love and compassion. As we think of the word nurse, I am reminded of a loving mother who takes care of her children or people like Florence Nightingale. Healing our life implies we are kind to ourselves. We stop judging, we accept what is with love and start the healing process.

Healing requires patience. Not all wounds heal quickly. The lesson is also repeated until we don’t learn it. If a disease is recurring, maybe it’s time we examine ourselves and ask what is it that I need to learn that universe is sending me reminders? I feel at such times our faith is tested and hence at such times we should become even more committed to our faith.

I am a believer of will power and visualization to heal. We can feel sorry for ourselves for a bit, stay in that space for a little while but then come out of it. The will to live is a powerful force. We have all been granted free will by Grace of God and hence its His power that we can put to use to heal ourselves. The trick is to visualize what a perfectly healthy me looks like, talks like, behaves like. Once I have that clarity, healing will follow. Swami Yogananda professes this in most of his teachings too.

It is easy to see wounds on body but harder to identify and diagnose wounds on mind and soul. The word ‘heal’, I believe is derived from health. Health per WHO (World Health Organization) is defined is physical, mental, social and spiritual well-being. Let’s heal not just physical wounds but all of these.

Healing is a noble act – whether it’s for us or others. Let’s heal our life.

Wounds

Some deep

Some shallow

Some evident

Some unknown

All of them healing

With love

With time

With grace

I

Observing this

Who says

Miracles don’t exist?